


Verdigris: A Meditation on Identity

by Pugglemuggle



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Character Study, Experimental Style, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, POV Second Person, Pre-Canon, Trans Character, Trans Pidge | Katie Holt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 16:52:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9394424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pugglemuggle/pseuds/Pugglemuggle
Summary: You are Pidge Gunderson, Katie Holt, a boy, a girl. You are the Green Paladin, and you are more than the sum of your parts.





	

**Author's Note:**

> _Verdigris: A greenish coating that forms on copper or brass over time after exposure to air._
> 
> This was written included in my final project for a Gender and Fandom class I took last quarter. My group created a zine called Seeing Queerly in which each page corresponded with a color on the pride flag. This fic was (predictably) the one we used for the green page. 
> 
> **[Please click here to read this fic in its original format!](http://i.imgur.com/2qTE199.png) **
> 
> Happy Voltron day, y'all. I wanted to make sure to get this up before Season 2 josses me.
> 
> This fic was written with the purpose of exploring fan identity, gender identity, and "disidentification"—the idea that people with nonnormative queer identities must transform and explore subtext to see themselves represented in media. I tried to explore disidentification on both Pidge's level and our level as Voltron fans.
> 
> In the original zine, the song that I chose to accompany this piece was [Green Garden by Laura Mvula](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5akYnlwubDo).

Who is Pidge Gunderson?

The first time you ask yourself this question, you’re Katie Holt, standing at the threshold of the Garrison with your suitcase in hand. The door in front of you is polished black metal. You watch your reflection in the mirror-like finish and see Pidge staring back, slightly warped and distorted but _there_ , a shadow in the fortified metal. Pidge looks like you. Pidge is not you. Both you and your reflection are frozen, hesitating—a video before you hit play. You move your arm forward, and so does Pidge. The door slides open. Your story begins.

These are the facts:

Pidge is a fourteen-year-old Galaxy Garrison cadet who specializes in computer technology. He is 5’1”, has short brown hair, and wears glasses. He is a boy.

The rest of his life story is up to you. Perhaps he grew up in San Diego, or Pittsburgh, or Wichita, Kansas. He was the smartest kid in his junior high, you decide, graduating early with a 4.0 GPA and honors to match. When he applied for admission into the Galaxy Garrison, he was accepted almost immediately. They barely even glanced at the medical records you had to forge.

Maybe Pidge’s parents are accountants, or engineers, or IT specialists. Something at a desk, you think—just a simple nine to five. Safe. Their worst work-related injury is a minor burn from the espresso machine. Pidge Gunderson’s mom is never worried about the safety of her family, never has to spend hours in front of the television waiting for good news that won’t come. She goes to sleep at night with a calm heart, knowing that her husband is only inches away and her kids are dreaming just down the hall.

Does Pidge have siblings? You haven’t decided yet. On one hand, you know that it would be easier if Pidge was an only child. It’s less history to remember, fewer facts to back up. But.... No, he has to have a sibling. A brother. An older brother. He has an older brother who knows constellations like multiplication tables, who can tease with a look and exchange secret messages across the dinner table with nothing more than a gesture and a wink. Pidge loves his older brother more than anything. (Just like you.)

It’s easy, so, so easy for you to slip into Pidge’s shoes, to become this complex character you’ve created. You are the Jack of the 22nd century, climbing your beanstalk up through the glass ceiling and thieving your education from the giants who lost your father and brother. You are an undercover spy, a secret agent, a master infiltrator—the seeker and the sought. People really do believe you’re a boy. The thrill you feel at even the most casual use of masculine pronouns fills you with a twisted sort of pride for the mass deception you’ve orchestrated—a gendered smokescreen. No one knows you. You feel liberated.

Only, it’s not quite deception, is it? Every day feels less and less like a performance. In December you’re sitting alone in your bunk, your bags packed for winter break, facing the prospect of going home again, of being _her_ again—and it terrifies you. You stopped being Katie Holt the moment you set foot in the Garrison. Somewhere along the way, Pidge and Katie converged to make someone new. Green was never blue-yellow, was it? You exist in this in-between, this hazy midground between us and them, real and imagined, boy and girl. Somehow the character you created has become you.

You are Pidge. Your life is a blank screen with a flashing green cursor. You are the quantum computer, a theory beyond binary constriction, a qubit superposition of one and zero. You are generative. You are the avenger, the progeny, the mind, the future. You are Pidge Gunderson, and Pidge Gunderson is whoever you want them to be.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this story, feel free to check out my other Voltron fics [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=revised_at&work_search%5Bfandom_ids%5D%5B%5D=10104017&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=0&commit=Sort+and+Filter&user_id=Pugglemuggle)!


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